Feelings of spring

Spring used to lighten up my days. The warming rays of sun against my pure white skin, I'd feel the happiness after the endless days of winter, but not this year. Instead.. Winter was my months of happiness and all I've left now is the sad remains of the thoughts and feelings I used to have. The memory is still stored in my mind, too far to erase.

I'll have to live with the knowledge of what was once. 

Knowingly that I can never get it back, nothing can go back to the way it was, it is not a possibility. I could go back to think like that, the people around me could behave as they did. But that wont be enough. The circumstances will never be the same. I only had that oppertunity for three months, after that, nothing could ever go back. Sadly, people decided to make it worse. 

   I'll be looking forward to next spring, I'll hope that one day I can open my heart again and look back at the time with a smile on my lips.. 

Knowing that I'm enjoying what I have, and enjoyed what I had.

Death could be..

Death could be just around the corner.

People are afriad of death. Of dying. And who could blame them? They're scared of not knowing what's ahead of them, will they still have a counsious? Will they go to heaven? How would it possible to disappear completely from the earth? I myself believe in rebirth.

  How can death possibly be worse than real life? You're dead. You won't be able to feel pain, people can't hurt you. Is it that people are not afraid of the actual death, but just can't stand the thought of now excisting? Or maybe, it's just the few seconds beforetheir breath goes out, maybe they're just afraid of dying in a painful way?

  I'm not afraid of dying. Often I appreciate the thought of my own sudden death, hoping for the people whom have hurt me, to realize it was all their fault. I would like to know how they'd all react? How would my friends react? Maybe they'd all been looking at me as a pain and would rise in happiness by the thought of me not being there anymore. My family? They're my family, they don't have to like me, they just have to live with me. If I died, they wouldn't have to pay for the extra food.. Clothe.. Needs. 

   Sometimes I'd like to die. Just disappear from this world, nowhere to be found. The people feeling guilty about our past would never be able to talk with me again, wouldn't be able to explain themselves.. They'd have to live with the pain. I'd love to make those people feel pain.